breastfeeding guilt

So I have an online mothers group full of wonderful, strong women. There is around 90 or so in the group with half of them active, the group originated from a website called bub hub and it was a group of pregnant ladies all due in the same month. We migrated to facebook and now that we have all had our babies the group has transformed into a place for us all to vent or ask questions or just share news.

One thing that has always been constant is the women that have had trouble breastfeeding and the guilt that they feel over it. I can't begin to understand how they feel but I can share my thoughts & feelings on it all.

You often hear that breastfeeding is the best for the baby, it is natural and the way we are "supposed" to do things. Breastmilk is full of natural goodness for babies, especially colostrum in the first few weeks of life. Colostrum has very high protein levels and also helps babies pass bowel moments. Then when mature breastmilk is made it contains the right amount of fats and nutrients to nourish the growing baby. It's all happy and perfect and healthy and wonderful.

Now think about the pressure that new mums are under to do everything "right", to be able to function with the lack of sleep, the constant visitors, the pressure to keep up appearances and of course the pressure to breastfeed. Then add people sticking their noses in, family, friends, healthcare nurses and even random members of the public at the shops, it's enough to send a women batty.

The reality is not all women can breastfeed and even then not all women want to breastfeed. I was trying to find some information on the inability to feed and there is not a whole lot out there. There is however a lot on ways to 'correct' the milk supply, worded in ways that makes the mother sound like she is broken. In a world of post natal depression what makes these nurses think it's a good idea to force new mothers into something that they can't do? their babies are screaming for food, just let them do what they need to. Once the new mum has switched to formula life usually settles down, bub stops screaming everyone gets more sleep.

We need to remove the guilt associated with formula feeding, we need to support these mums. Where are the pamphlets to help those who can't bf but really wanted to? There is not enough help for them and it's not good enough. The important thing that we need to remember here is that as long as the baby is loved, fed and looked after does it really matter? and as long as mum is feeling o.k and not stressed out over the breastfeeding pressure then they will bond a whole lot more in a relaxed environment.

Let the mother do what feels right, give her the support she needs and allow her to chose what's best for her and her baby because everyone has a story and their own struggles and reasons for doing what they do.